Remembering your dreams

Do you remember your dreams? Unfortunately, I don't. Someone just recently asked me what dreams do I hold that I want to make reality or what dreams that you had that you wanted to make real. I wasn't sure what to say at the moment other than remembered I hoped I wouldn't become my mother, who didn't find happiness until her sixties.

Dreams and hopes and wishes have changed for me so much over the years. I remember one time I wanted to be a doctor, then a radio producer, then a wall street hot shot. Then nothing after that.

I do have one which is to travel, see Paris, and Rome and London, and New York, like everyone else, maybe even see China or Japan. That one I am working up to gradually. But when my friend asked me what was my biggest dream, I was ashamed to tell him what it was: to fall in love again and get married and build a life with the intentioned Mr. Right.

Why was I ashamed? Well, my friend is a marriage atheist, one of these men who believe love and marriage are two separate entities and don't go together like a horse and carriage as Frank Sinatra sings. He believes anybody can get married but it tears apart a person and straps them down and love has nothing to do with marriage. Sure, anybody can love a person, but marriage ties them down and puts pressure on a person, especially when the call of nature tells them otherwise, ie sex. I could probably go without marriage, maybe, but I wish I could fall in love with someone who will love me back and will worship me as I do him. Many would say I have let that pass me by, I would sometimes, but if I look back, I have to ask myself, would you have been happy with him, and vice versa? And the answer would be no, we probably wouldn't have been happy. And plus as I have grown older and I am approaching thirty, I believe that sometimes there is a reason you don't get your wish yet. Although my friends would say otherwise, I believe that God is not ready for me to have a mate, at least not right now, or ever if that is his will. Other parts of me wonder and think, well that's why it's still a fantasy, just an imaginary fairy tale.

But did think of other things I had hoped to do (besides travel, I mean):
knit (which is coming along nicely)
read classics (very doable now)
play violin (tackle that next)
write my book (about 1/4 to 1/2 through already)
find inner peace and harmony
own and manage my own home, even make a flower garden

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